Biphobia-phobia

Logging into Facebook tonight, and here's the headlines that greeted me:

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That's right bi folks NBC is prepping to call you a whore. And they're whitewashing stuff. Happy to see Racebending and perhaps even Marissa Minna Lee are tweeting the issue. Seems like a good story for Kanika Ameerah K Tempest Bradford too! Props to Paige Listerud for the info!

http://alisavaldes.wordpress.com/2010/12/28/the-new-elizabeth-how-my-normal-lesbian-character-was-made-pathological-for-hollywood/

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Bisexual Men

More Biphobic Blather: Say It Ain't So Joe - The usually evenhanded, intelligent and amusing blogger Joe Jervis of the popular JoeMyGod has really struck out with this throw-away post. Please stop by and (politely) remind him and his regular readers/posters that just like Polish Jokes or anti-Semitic Jokes are not actually funny, Biphobic ones aren't either.

Joe. My. God.: The Bizarre World Of The Bisexual

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Don’t Worry, Ke$ha. I Don’t Want to Date You, Either « Matt Kailey

shar.es

And neither do any of the trans guys I know. In fact, for someone who tries soooo hard to be hip, you are making yourself less cool every day.

[Like I really need another reason to dislike Ke$ha. - Fer]

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You know what?  I'm sick of this shit. I joined these various bi groups for support and encouragement, not for constant doomsaying about how we're being erased by the gay community and stereotyped by the straight community.  We're hated by both sides.  I get it. 

The thing is, if they hadn't told me, I never would have noticed.

The majority of my friends are straight.  They've never treated me with anything other than acceptance and respect.  I've had a few gay friends over the years, one of which I still keep in touch with.  And they've always been accepting and cool with me too.  I've organized a bi section in our local Pride March, and the people running the march were downright thrilled to have a bi group in it and have the "B" in LGBT not be just lip service.  More thrilled than everyone else in my local bi group, in fact-- the only one who marched with me was a straight ally friend from outside the group.  And that's really been my only problem being on my own-- the feeling that although I am accepted, no one around me really "gets it."

The point I'm making here is that I joined these bi groups to help lift me up and feel less alone.  Instead all I'm getting are depressing situations dragging me down from the national groups, and down-right apathy and being completely ignored from the local group. I've come to the conclusion I was happier when I was alone.

I'm not saying that these things shouldn't be brought to light, that we should just let bi-erasure and biphobia slide without doing anything about it.  I'm saying that I, personally, am sick of the fight.  I'm sick of feeling like I can't make a difference, because haters are gonna hate, and because no one answers my messages to my local group anymore anyway.  I can't improve things locally.  I can't improve things nationally.  All I'm accomplishing by trying to remain a part of the "bi community" is making myself upset.

While I don't know enough to not write and post a blog when I'm mad, I do know enough not to completely burn my bridges.  I'm not going to completely quit these groups just yet.  But I think I'm going to try hiding their messages and not reading their e-mails for a month or two and see how I feel then.

But for now, I've had enough.  I'm out.

Plan B

Spoiler Level: High

They say we want to see ourselves reflected in the world around us.  It must be true, because why else would I sit through two whole seasons of A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila?  Probably for the same reason I rented Plan B.  I want to see people and characters that I can identify with, and being bi, there aren't too many.  For what it's worth, Plan B is far and away the better of the two.

Plan B is the story of Bruno, Pablo and Laura.  Bruno is obsessed with his ex, Laura.  But Laura has moved on and has a new boyfriend, Pablo.  Well, kind of moved on.  She still sleeps with Bruno.  But she emphatically tells Bruno that's as far as it will ever go between them again.  So, after hearing that Laura's new boyfriend Pablo was with a guy once, he hatches Plan B:  get Pablo interested in him so Pablo will dump Laura, paving the way for Bruno to get her back.  But of course, things don't go as planned, and Bruno starts getting confused when he finds himself genuinely falling in love with Pablo.

It's a decent enough movie.  It's from Argentina, and it reminds me of the days before Joy & I started our own business, when we'd go out to the movies with Dave and watch just about everything.  I haven't seen a good art house movie in a long time.  And it's definitely good, albeit very slowly paced.  Very slowly paced, which allows things to unfold in a very delicate manner.  And there is something very charming about Bruno and Pablo that sticks with you after the movie has ended.

As to the whole personal reflection thing, I was quite surprised the first time I found myself feeling emotional over another guy, so there were definite scenes I could relate to.  It doesn't really relate to where I am now, but that's okay.  Oh, and I could be wrong about this, but I don't recall the B word ever being used; I read in a bi forum that the maker of The Kids Are All Right said that if she used the word bisexual, she wouldn't have been able to get the film released.  You wouldn't think that would matter in Argentina, though, but hey, I've never been to Argentina so for all I know they're even more uptight there.

So all in all it was nice to see, but I'll still be looking for something I identify with a little closer.